Have nothing to report

It's difficult to have nothing to report when you are one of the people others turn to for news. The fact is, there is no news. Still, pardon me the cliché, no news is good news, and ultimately, even if we got confirmation that she has not picked up the show, we would be no worse off than we were a week ago.

I understand restlessness, I understand attrition, and I understand anger. If we hear of a second 'cancellation', Mr JJ can look forward to a bad week. There will be calls of boycott. There will be a lot of rage, and some despair, and we might lose the fringes to hopelessness. If this happens, I am counting on some of you to be the voices of reason, the calming influence, on your respective boards. You know who you are, the DD regulars. You've got your head on your shoulders. Stand on a chair and whistle really loud, until you are heard.

That's for the worst case scenario. Truthfully, if negotiations there are, I don't expect to hear anything at all, maybe not for weeks. You don't go rattling out while there are still cards to play, and players to placate. Unless kicking up a fuss is one of those cards, as it was, I'd imagine, over a week ago.

In the meantime, I don't know how many people are taking part in the campaign. A very, very large number, I hope. We have worked out a Big Wednesday To-Do list for tomorrow, and there will be another Friday, and another Super Monday. These To-Do lists are designed to implement the tactics which support our overall strategy.

I am not a general. I don't give orders. I am one of many. I just hope that the message is getting through, because this is important, and no matter how long we spend in strategy meetings with this industry insiders to work out strategy and tactics, posters and statements, statistics and intel, none of this matters without your help. We are only as strong as the sum of the parts. We can't do anything on our own. We can only ask for help, and a little trust.

I am so angry

I am so angry that there are iron spikes shooting out of my back, and we all know what that means. I'm going to have to buy a new shirt. I will send Jackson the bill.

I am so hurt that I want to find a cave and lick my wounds, but the shadows are too deep.

I am so eager for a fight that my fists itch, and my teeth ache.

I am so choked with sorrow for John, and DK, and Ben, and Rockne, and them all, that I want to cry breathless tears, yet quite strangely fear R would think less of me. I am not one to hide from tears. Never have been.

I am so incapable of processing violent collective emotions, of shielding myself, that I don't want to open my inbox ever again.

I am so tired that my mother will have a massive coronary when she gets off the plane and sees me in a few hours.

I am so warmed to feel John still smiling over my shoulder -- that I think he is a silly man with horrendous timing, but the wisdom to be much further along the path than I am. I will catch up; he will drag me.

They should have the wisdom to fear, but they don't.

I will blog calmly and reasonably tomorrow -- about plans and tactics, pep-talks and digging in, loyalty and endurance, families to protect, carrying on for tired friends while they rest. Love stories and beginnings. Myself and the freedom of space. My freedom. Stars and a starry-eyed John.

I feel now. I think later. I have earned it.

Marry, bless her heart, has gifted me with time.

Sorry, I must now climb on top of my house and burst out laughing, before I scare my new neighbors.

This... this is... this is it?

Do I look stupid to you? No, don't answer that question.

This is an exciting place to be

This is an exciting place to be. I wonder how far the writers will allow me to travel on his vector before he hits a wall. They let him fall all the way down in season two. I have confidence that they will let him crash in all his glory in season. Although I might be slightly biased by Into the Hell.

In the meantime, the evolution is being deftly handled, at the proper pace. He didn't pull back from Anna all at once. In JJ, he realizes that he is still in the game when Anna tells him exactly what he wants to hear. 'I came back for you. I just want to be with you.' John, however, no longer sees her as the Anna in the white dress. He sees her much as the audience does; he's clueless, but a lot closer to reality than he was in either DB or CK.

Concurrently, his affect has grown flatter and flatter until that one last scene in the hallway, where it's so flat one would think he took Anna's lakka extract. I don't believe he did, although I can envision a rationale either way -- if one doesn't see the lakka as the heroine an addict takes to forget, but more as the opium warriors took to foster fearlessness and strength before battle.

From a writer's point of view, it was amazingly structured, each reference was used to its fullest extent. John has a purpose. For real. Textually, the relationship between John and Anna needed to go in a new direction, and I believe this is it. Even if Aeryn still creeps me out mildly. And I wonder who was watching the game. Who was the third eye?

Headaches on top of everything

I got headaches on top of everything. I slept over at Neil's and came back home late last night, so no blogging. I'm not getting any better. I'm going back to the doctor today, and I'm not leaving her office until she finds out what's wrong with me. I can't keep on going like this. It's like being sea-sick 24/7, and now there are headaches on top of everything else, and stomach cramps. It's got to stop.


My parents called from Spain. They are having a good time there, and I'm glad. I didn't tell mom I was ill, I've been lying to her for the last three weeks, but I don't want her to worry, until I'm sure there's really cause for alarm. She's the main reason I hope it's nothing serious. I don't think she would be able to deal, not so soon on the heels of my brother's revelations. Things between them are still so strained. I know that's why she misses me so much.

Headaches on top of everything got bad. When I collapsed because of the headache, Leanne, whom I cherish, called the doctor over, and she in turn sent me straight to the hospital for tests. As usual, they couldn't tell what the problem was, only what the problem was not. It's not diabetes or hypertension [yeah, team me] and it's not meningitis [my housemates will be happy to hear that one]. They haven't ruled out neurological causes and brain tumors, so I have to go back for CAT scans and other assorted fun. Can't wait. They left me some blood, and I was able to go home after eight hours of tests and general waiting around. Leanne held my hand throughout, bless her. As I was lying on a gurney, ostensibly not counting the ceiling tiles, I had an idea for a fic. It's about Faith. We'll see tomorrow.


I'm going to go lie down as soon as I'm done blogging, because to make this day absolutely perfect, I've now got cramps potent enough to drive an elephant to its knees and mood swings to scare the lower denizens of Hell. I hope I'm allowed at least one good night rest. When I left the hospital, the moon was full and red.

This blog isn't very uplifting. Why are you still reading this?

What's on my mind right now

I appreciate the patience you've given me. Anyway... What's on my mind right now? I need to work on some house/yard work this weekend, so I don't think I'll have a second comic for you before next week. But there will be one for this coming Wednesday. :)

See ya then!

I'm waiting on a new shipment of comic pages from Blueline, and they should arrive tomorrow. So, I'd expect the comic to be up Wednesday night.

To be fair to you guys for the wait, I'll be producing two comics this week to make it up.

Oh yeah, and I wanted to bring something up that's been on my mind for the past couple of days. In light the upcoming war, a lot of people are voicing their opinions on both sides of the issue pretty much wherever you turn. As expected, I have my opinions as well, but I promise that you'll never hear them here. See, I'd like to think that the PNH comics can be seen as an escape for even just a little while, and I want it to stay that way...especially considering the hard times that will be coming up in the days, weeks, and months ahead. So, we'll be focusing only on comics here. :) Sorry for the delay, but recent events kinda took me out of the drawing mood. I'm still working on this weeks page, so it'll be up in the next day or so.

Ok, so the other week I had said that I wasn't going to stick with pencils only for them. Well, I lied..at least for the foreseeable future. Personally, I like how the pencils have been coming out the past few weeks, both here and at Writer's Block. They just have come out much more naturally, and they express better what I'm trying to produce than what I was doing with inks. What can I say...as much as I'd like to say I can do other things, I'm a penciller at heart. :)

The other reason is because this month I'm swamped with work...mostly web page design, and database/PHP coding, and that's going to soak up a lot of time. So I figured I'd cut some corners in some places, and the inks went.

So, that's what's going on for now with the change in art style. If I have time do devote to it, I'll ink and stuff, but no promises. Hope ya don't mind.

Canucks game last night

O BABY! What a game last night. It was really entertaining!

The Canucks opened the scoring with a beautiful 2 on 1 goal by Todd Beluzzi generated by a Marcus Nazzewr steal in the neutral zone. Beluzzi took his time with his one timer, ensuring that he got the puck over a sprawling Khabibulin.

The cheers of the capacity crowd were silenced 19 seconds later, however, as John Portle scored a goal that deflected off of defenseman Samy Stund's stick. Then, shorthanded, Jaohn Roter took a bad slashing penalty which put Vancouver down by two men. Tara Bouoy scored on the power play, and ended the first period up 3-1.

The second period went much better for the Canucks. Marcus got a lucky bounce onto his stick which he promptly deposisted for an easy goal. Then the Spotty twins continued their strong play as they gathered assists on a Trevor Lether one time goal; his second in as many games.

Tied going into the third period, things were looking up for the Canucks. However, Tara is leading its division for a reason, and maybe realizing they had sat back in the second period, came out swinging, as Dave Anduty scored half way through the third period. Just when things were looking bleak, Todd came storming down the middle of the ice with a defender draped all over him. Holding him off with one hand, Beluzzi slipped the puck under the goalie to tie the game at 4, and send this one to overtime.

In overtime, the Canucks got a break as Tampa took a goalie interference penalty. Unfortunatly, they falied to register a shot on goal. They didnt give up however, and with two minutes left, Canucks caught Tampa Bay short, and broke away with a 3 on 1. It appeared as if Jolichki had managed to poke the puck in, but the referee disallowed the goal saying that he had blown the whistle. Off the next faceoff though, Marcus pounced on a rebound off the point shot, and with nder 30 seconds left, Vancouver won 4-3.

All in all, although it wasnt the most defensivly responsible game, it was one of the more entertaining ones I have watched this season. R. made up for his costly penalty early by being tenacious on the penalty kill later on in the game. Beluzzi played like the Power foreward I was used to last season, and Marcus proved again that he may be the best player in the league. An honourable mention goes to Dan Johnsen who made several key saves, and Mark St. Louis of the bolts who looked deadly as a viper all game long.

Continuing work...

Continuing work on getting the Player's Compendium ready for playtest. It's still amazing to me how what I thought would be a straight-forward task has turned into a major one. When we looked at the products, our first thought was "compile this into fewer volumes." That, we thought, would be a simple job. Take what he had already published in a number of supplements, compile the content into a logical sequence, freshen up the content with FAQ and errata, and voila! Alas no, this has proved to be not so easy.

The main issue we have struck to date is not that of compiling existing content. Nor the sheer volume of content to deal with. The biggest problem to date has been to ensure that things are presented "consistently," and that has meant looking at the wording of virtually everything and making sure it matches up with both the intent of the original writer and that of comparable mechanics. As I write this blog entry, I am wading through the spell descriptions in the Player's Compendium. One thing that strikes me is that there must have been a number of different authors working on these spells. For some reason, it never came up in my games. But with a writer's (and editor's) critical eye, there's a lot of differences in what is presented.
Let's continue. We are really very keen to take what he has produced and compile it into a comprehensive whole. And a major component of this is ensuring we keep as close as possible to what we think (and with people like Lou Ferigno's assistance, we're pretty sure) we would have liked to have done if they had revised what was already out in print. That means backwards compatibility with existing material, but ensuring we put some hooks in place now to incorporate add-ins further on that will add to the game line as a whole and take it in newer directions. It is, after all, a flexible game system.

So we've compiled a huge quantity of textual content. Now we're working to massage this content, bringing our own touch to the game, and incorporating the feedback and comments from a number of people who have been actively involved with the game since it's release. Once we're past this phase, we will move the drafts out to the playtesters. Their job is extremely valuable, and I suspect some of them may not be aware of how hard they are going to be pushed for feedback and comments. I'm still not sure what sort of commentary you would all like me to post on these blogs, so please do take the time to leave me some comments. Otherwise, I'll cut this short and blog on another time.

Understanding of popular music

Okay, all you Aus-types on my flist - especially those who listen to JJJ - I need help:

Every year (well - this will be the third year) I have a bet with friends on who will make the top 5 of the JJJ Hottest 100. Last year I crushed the opposition, forcing them to their knees in the face of my vast and comprehensive understanding of popular music, pounding them into the ground with my keen sense of melody and catchy rhythms, and obliterating them with... oh you get the idea. But know this - I'm competitive and I like to win. I recall you were pretty on the ball last year...?

So if anyone thinks they know who will make the top 5 I would appreciate your thoughts. I may not be able to share the booty - but you will have my undying respect and I will say nice things about you if asked. :) As well as being talented, you're all goddamn nice with it. Thank you. And the rest of you should read all this wicked stuff and thank me for making them write it! Damn straight!

In addition, the delightful girl made me this icon and a scary Ketler icon and pixie which can be seen here and the delicious girl made me a Big Pretend Phone Chris Moloko icon which you will no doubt see soon - watch this space. You are also talented and kind and extremely sexy to boot.

Anyone living in Australia

Okay, so I didn't win big on the Hottest 100 - and can I just say, fat load of good you were, flist! Jet didn't even make the top 20!

I got three out of the top 5 but I put Franz  at number 5. I didn't include the Killers or Eskimo in my top 5 and I thought Evermore would do a lot better than they did.

Oh well. Next year.

This is one of those quizzes all the cool kids are doing where you work out whether you know me - at all. I don't think it's very hard...

Interesting things:

* Three Perth bands in the top ten (Little Joe, Eskimo and the John Bieber Trio).

* Two Missy Higgins' songs in the top ten. I was kind of hoping she'd win. Not that I'm a fan but it would have been nice to see a chick win. In the history of the Hottest 100 I've not seen a chick win - unless you count the girl in Spiderbait which I kind of don't because Spiderbait is two guys and a girl and she plays base - why does the chick always play base?

* The real shock moment of the day: William Shatner came in at number 21 with "Common People." Totally a highlight for me - not to mention his fans across Australia.
I made hummous. It came out all right - possibly not dip-y enough if that makes any sense. It resembled cookie dough... but goddamn it tasted good.

* For anyone living in Australia: how do they get all those plane and helicopters circling during the fireworks to not crash?

It's all semantics

She walks away or is turned away. She leaves feeling hollow inside and she thinks about sleeping with Jack, anything to fill that hollow. She thinks a warm body next to hers could be all that she needs. She cries for things that can never be: Dan, Jack, Trudy.

She dreams about Dan in a small town in Cuba somewhere. He is holding out a cup for her. Coffee? She looks inside, only it isn't coffee, it's water and it tastes like the sea. She wakes up and it's cold and quiet and only the waves remind her that she's here. Alone. Lonely.


Eventually, Max takes the jar and doesn't leave. She brings him tea on the beach and watches him come in from the waves. He is Jonah returning from the whale. A second chance. "It's like an ocean," he says. "It's so deep you can't imagine its dimensions."


She doesn't ask but she knows he is talking about loss, his loss. Maybe hers too. He comes out now like breaking away at the shell piece by tiny piece. He offers a place for her in his misery and she accepts because it hurts too, but she wants to somewhere she fits.


When she was younger she was smart, oh so smart, and good and clever, and she was courted by money and power and hanger-ons looking for a ride to wherever she was going. She wore new shoes to the interview. Smart shoes with a which were sensibly black and sensibly low but for some reason pressed against the bridge of her foot so hard they cut off her blood supply and left her with a tingling sensation in her toes.

The next day she had tiny bruises on her feet where the leather had been. Jack took them to the seaside and there were these little purple spots on her feet as she examined them in the sand. This is going to hurt, they said, and it did, but after a while she stopped noticing. Her feet are in the sand again as she thinks about leaving once more. "Do you believe in fate?" She asks Max who sits beside her and hates her tea.


"Does it matter if I do? Fate is all about looking back, saying 'all this happened for a reason' but everything is meaningful if you want it to be." "But why would you want it to be meaningless?" "It's all semantics, Laura." "Maybe," she screws up her face and tosses the left over tea into the wind. If her future is in the tea leaves it is blowing away down the beach. "But it's not very romantic."


"Did Christmas lose its meaning when you stopped believing in Santa Claus?" "I stopped getting excited about losing my teeth when I stopped believing in the tooth fairy." "Ah, but then your parents stopped placing money under the pillow." "I want to believe in all this," she says. "I want to believe there's a reason for this." But he doesn't believe in anything and she knows it's like talking to the wind because her words come back distorted.